


Realization

by CLLMichaelis



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Blood and Gore, Dark, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Rating Changed, Rating May Change, Really trying to keep them in character I promise, Romance, Yaoi, otp, theatrical
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-07-28 17:51:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7650637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CLLMichaelis/pseuds/CLLMichaelis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's a demon to do when he realizes his undeniable feelings for his master? Over react, obviously.</p>
<p>There will be more so don't be shy to subscribe! ~C Michaelis</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love this story and I hope you guys do too~

                                                                                                                      SILENCE

Silence is a deadly thing. A short warning before everything falls to chaos. The calm before a storm. However, sometimes silence seems to present a sense of peace, of security. To any outsider, that is how it would look right now, as they watched a little boy asleep in bed. He lays on his back, his small body wrapped securely in white cotton sheets. Those observations, mixed with his pale, almost ghostly features, showed an image that could nearly be related to a corpse in the process of mummification.

The shadow of a man, hidden well in the dark corner, held back a smirk at the thought, even as a twinge of pain knotted in his chest. There was a time when there wasn't a thing he wouldn't give to see the small boy lifeless below him, while he devoured a very pure, very tainted, soul. All those years he'd spent practically worshiping the mortal, would have paid off. No longer would he have to battle his own self control. He could purge. And purge he would. Nip by bite, and chew by swallow, till all that was left was a rotting corpse, and crimson blood stained on his face.

Although the opportunity hadn't even come to present itself yet, that time no longer existed. How could it? When just the thought of his young master lifeless caused unwelcome tension where he knows a heart should be. No, he could never kill the boy. Even though that admission will become the end of him, one way or another.

The demon could just imagine the look on his masters face, as he, a demon no less, admitted why he no longer wished to consume the boy's soul. The young lord would laugh no doubt, and it was of course, very laughable. The thought of a demon falling in love with a human. And his own master, at that. What a despicable thought. Surely a demon of that caliber is not worth his salt. Sebastian was now only a disgrace, both to his position as a butler, and to members of his own race.

After a small bout of cynical laughter, the boy would no doubt demand an explanation to this foolishness. Perhaps then claim that Sebastian was only teasing him, or trying to play a new game. Maybe even go so far as to call the demon pathetic, a disgrace. What if the boy never even wanted to see him again? He knows well that homosexuality is not accepted in the eyes of most humans, the England law included. To that, Sebastian would have no rational response. Because honestly, it would leave him internally begging for death. Even if the boy won't love him back, the thought of his master disowning him would be far too much to handle. Without the young lord, Sebastian no longer had anything left to live for.

Stepping out of the shadows, Sebastian makes his way towards the bed where his little lord sleeps. With slow movements, a gloved hand brushes a strand of teal hair off the boy's face. Small chills race up his hand with the simple contact. He will never be able to touch his master the way he wishes to. All the small contact he receives when dressing and undressing the boy is torture. The touches are never enough to satisfy, but always enough to taunt. They are reminders of what he will never be able to have.

Sebastian, deciding to push his limits, leans down to press his lips against the other's softer, smaller ones. The contact is brief, and fleeting. Still, the demon revels in it. Savoring the little taste of heaven that will never be his. As soon as their lips part, Sebastian is out of the room.

Somehow his young master, out of millions of humans, had bested him without even knowing it.

                                                                                                                    REALIZATION

Realization is the suspension in that last sliver of silence, the moment where you can see the waves of chaos approaching, but are helpless to stop them. Sebastian sits in his pathetic excuse of a room, staring through empty air and watching as the dam he has tried so hard to keep up crumbles. As it falls apart he feels a cold sense of sorrow wash over him, like the rushing of air. It whistles through his ears, and rams at his chest. He gasps for air he'd never needed before, but finds his lungs can't move.

He realizes, just before a fresh surge of tribulation hits him, that the air ringing in his ears is whispering five crippling words which make his heart stop. He wants more than anything to deny them, scream at the walls of his tiny room that they aren't true. If only that wouldn't make him the liar.

The algid waves numb his body, like thousands of little needles pricking his skin. He falls to his knees, his hands shaking, and his mouth slightly agape. This truly must be a sight to behold; a demon brought to his knees by a mere human child.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Sebastian questions that last thought. Trying to justify, in any way he can, why Ciel would be perfectly mature enough to participate in sexual activities with a creature as old as him. Things such as; He has seen and done much more than any ordinary thirteen year old... or, Anyone can see his mind is aged far beyond his years. However, those turbulent winds are a reminder of how in vain the justification is, as they keep whispering: Ciel can never love you.

Ciel will never love him back. Sebastian thought he had come to terms with this. He recognized all the reasons why he could never be with Ciel, knew that even if you excluded the fact that homosexuality is illegal, simply having any type or romantic or sexual relationship between a master and servant was a disgrace. Not to mention that the young master is engaged to Lady Elizabeth. Yet, even knowing all this, somewhere in his newly discovered heart, he believed there was a chance Ciel would love him back. Now he knows how foolish that hope was, but the pain that comes with it makes him wish for death.

Anything, anything, would be better than this torment, and before Sebastian even processes what he is doing, black-nailed hands are freed from their gloves and clawing at his chest. Clothes are mindlessly ripped, skin is torn through like tissue paper, and the only recognition given when ribs are shattered, is a slight gasp. Sinews are severed as he searches in his chest in a desperate attempt to find some form of relief. But even after the once-beating muscle lays still in his hand, and the white carpet has been stained crimson, the former pain remains as an ache that prospers much deeper in his chest than the gash he now bears.

                                                                                                             CONFESSION

Confessions come in many different ways. Sometimes they are the simple idealistic dreams of a child who's been lost to the stars. For others they arrive as pleas of forgiveness, and pathetic admissions to a bespectacled spirit when one's clock has stopped ticking. Sebastian's confession came as a last enervated grasp of hope. The three desperate words thickening the already stiff air of Ciel's study, and Sebastian could visibly tell how tense the boys frame had become. His eyes glued to the document on his desk, staring through it and into the floor below, and his feather quill frozen mid-sentence.

"I don't have time for your games today, Sebastian." The boy's voice breaks the silence. His quill scratches through the air. The clock ticks again.

Sebastian cannot move, stunned by his master's response, and his own self for proclaiming what he'd wished to hide. Ciel doesn't notice, oblivious in his own work. The pile of papers left of his desk decrease rapidly. When they have all been finished, the sun is far below the horizon. No candle has been lit, and the moon filtering through the window is the only source of light. Ciel stands from his desk with a sigh. Intent on going to the door, but instead walking straight into his butler. The boy grunts.

"I told you I don't have time for this Sebastian," He says. "I wish to retire now."

"My lord... " Sebastian's voice is barely audible. He kneels down to Ciel's level and places a hand on his master's cheek. How can Ciel not believe him? He had sworn many times to never lie to the boy. Sebastian runs a hand through Ciel's hair and pushes off his eye patch.

"Sebastian, I order you to stop this nonsense!"

                                                                                                        DESPERATION

Sebastian used to look down upon desperate humans. How pathetic they were, snatching at any string of hope they might find. However, the demon had finally learned that desperation has the power to change anyone. It can turn good men bad, force a little boy to sell his soul... make a servant disobey his master.

Sebastian crashes his lips to Ciel's. The demon had found one last string and he'd be damned twice if he didn't take it. He tangles his fingers into the boy's silken hair. They grasp on tight and keep Ciel's face pressed securely against his own. For a moment he can almost believe that Ciel is melting into the kiss. His lips are soft as rose petals, smooth and sweet; molding perfectly against the other's.

A loud slap resounds throughout the room.

"Just what do you think you're playing at!"

Sebastian's head remains turned, a faint red mark remains on his face. "Forgive me, My Lord." He turns to look at his master. "However, I assure you, I am not playing at anything."

"I don't believe you." Ciel's voice sends ice throughout his core.

"Master, I cannot lie to you."

"You mean...?" The boy's voice is different this time. It is soft and wavering.

"I am in love with you." Sebastian finishes.

                                                                                                        HOPE

Hope is dangerous. It promises things it cannot keep, and leads people down roads they should not go, but, in the end, hope is all we have. Hope keeps us going, shows us the light at the end of a tunnel. Without hope we would not move forward.

Sebastian was never one to hold on to such a human concept, but when his master leans forward and once again connects their lips, he cannot help but let that little spark of hope fester in his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally just finished writing this and it is 3 in the morning so forgive any mistakes
> 
> Also, enjoy because I did not plan on continuing this, but I think I am still going to add more.

HATE

 

                Hate was all Ciel ever knew; bitter, vengeful, burning hatred. Perhaps when he was younger he had been peppered with kisses, and sung lullabies-but that was not _this_ Ciel Phantomhive. That Ciel had died years ago on that faithful day. This Ciel consisted only of pure seething _hate._ Hate that drove him to seek retribution for the crimes committed against his family; he existed for the sole purpose of fulfilling this goal.

                Without hate Ciel would cease to exist; the person he had been since that day would no longer exist. Poof, gone, like dust in the wind, and Ciel Phantomhive had proved relentlessly that he would not disappear that easily. Not until he'd accomplished his goal. He dreamed of it near every night- watching his enemy writhing beneath him, begging and pleading for mercy they would not be granted. These images fueled Ciel. They fed the flames of hate which made him. Night by night, and day by day these flames grew, until Ciel began to burn a blazing blue. No one, nothing, could douse him. Come hell or high water he would burn, until those had started this fire burned to ash with him.

                This was Ciel Phantomhive. This and nothing more.

                So why then was a fellow creature of a hate- a demon born from the flames of hell- proclaiming something so foreign as love? Surely the demon knew no more than he did about that foolish concept. Moreover, how could such a creature begin to feel such a thing? Ciel had often appreciated Sebastian's company because he knew the demon too was made only of darkness and sin. It is why the boy so often considered Sebastian to be a part of himself. He was the living embodiment of all the unholy acts the boy had both committed and experienced.

LOVE

_'I love you...'_

                No one loved him, not really. Lizzie adored him, but she did not know the darkness inside him. The servants respected him, and a few others cared for him, but he was simply not a creature worth loving. He could not give love, so how could he ever hope to receive it?

                However, there was something pleasant about Sebastian's lips against his own. So when he found himself speechless against the demon's admission, he again sought that pleasantry. He had never thought before about physical attraction. The cult- along with most enjoyable things- had ruined sex for him at a very young age. But something about the other's cloven smell, his soft lips and broad shoulders, had Ciel wrapping his arms around Sebastian's neck. He lowered himself to where the demon was kneeling and continued to move his lips against the other's.

 

LUST

 

                While Ciel had a hard time wrapping his head around the idea of love, it was not hard to grasp the concept of lust. The carnal desire to taste and _take_ from another to appease your own needs. Ciel knew that concept very well. As far as he was concerned there were merely two types of people, those who took and those who were taken from. The cult had taught him that lesson very well.

                So when Sebastian had picked him up-their lips still entwined- and moved them to the master bedroom, he did not protest. The demon already owned his soul, owning his body would make no difference. More than that though, he found he wanted more and more to pull the other against himself. He ground his hips against the other's and moaned as lips ravished his neck.

                The ordeal started off very well. Sebastian was rough and carnal, everything Ciel would expect out of the demon-everything Ciel had known of sex. The demon pounded, nipped, and pulled. With every touch Ciel felt as if he might explode. He could only plead and beg the demon the give him more, to help him find release. The demon responded accordingly, seeming to gain enthusiasm with every moan Ciel gave. Soon the touches began to change, they went from rough and demanding to sweet and sensual. The pace did not change, but Ciel could not stop himself from becoming increasingly more apprehensive. This was not right. The other was supposed use him. Take all that he could and abuse him. You were not supposed to cherish a broken creature like him.

                Sebastian began to whisper in-between kisses-yes they were kisses now not _bites_ \- now, things like _'I am yours, forever' 'Ciel...' 'you mean more to me than you could ever understand'_ These words fell very heavily unto his chest. They muddles his thoughts and soon he did not know what to think of this exchange anymore. This certainly could not be sex. Sex was rough, greedy, selfish; this was not. Sebastian took his time to lavish Ciel's body. He kissed every inch of skin within reach and pleaded _those three words_ as if he'd never get the chance to say them again. Eventually Ciel had to order the demon to _'Kindly shut up'_ because if he didn't the boy might just loose himself in them.

                When they had both finished Sebastian-contrary to what Ciel expected him to do, which was to leave- pulled Ciel close to his chest and practically covered the boy protectively with his body. Ciel was about to tell Sebastian to let go, but he had a lingering suspicion that the demon would refuse even if he ordered it.

                "May I speak now, My Lord?"

                "You just did," Ciel's response came out as half a pant, still trying to recover his breathe from their previous activities.

                "Hmm..." Sebastian half purred and ran one hand through Ciel's slate-grey locks. "I lo-" He began to whisper into the boys hair when Ciel cut him off.

                "Do shut up." Ciel wanted nothing more than to enjoy his post-coital bliss. He had not the energy to contemplate Sebastian's sappy confessions. But still, he found himself nudging his face in the crook of the demon's neck, and humming as the other continued to play with his hair.

                When his high passed and he had regained his breath, Ciel spoke again, "You're confused, Sebastian."

                "About what, Master?" The demon moved away slightly so that he could look the boy in the eyes.

                "You do not love me." Ciel said, and Sebastian was about to protest when Ciel spoke again, "You love my soul."

                "Is your soul not you, Young Master?" Sebastian countered.

"The taste of it, Sebastian." Ciel quipped. "The smell of it, the fulfillment it will bring you."

                "My Lord...." Sebastian rolled over so that his body completely draped over the other. "We just made love, and you are doubting how I feel about you?"

                "We did no-!" Ciel was about to object, but stopped himself. Was that what they had done? He had pegged it for raw sex, a quick fuck to sate each other and nothing more. Perhaps that is what the change had been, when it went from the rough enjoyment to the slow and sensual movements that Sebastian had been so keen on.

                "Trust me, Master, I have thought of every alternative this feeling  could possibly be. I have searched for any excuse to dismiss it as less than it is, but I have come up short."

                "I do not love, Sebastian," Ciel started, "Surely a demon like you can understand that." Ciel could feel Sebastian tense around him. "Such things have been out of my reach for many years now. I know only of suffering and hate."

                "In my short experience love is very much akin to suffering."

                This earned an amused _'mph'_ from Ciel, and he found himself drifting off into Sebastian's embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, smut!!!!<3

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a one shot, but maybe I'll add to it.  
> Comment please!:)


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